Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just had sex on a roof
Randomize
