Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
