he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
