i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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