i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
