Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
