I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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