what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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