that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
