someone get that fucking seahorse.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
