Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
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On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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