I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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