They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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