Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
