Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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