Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
