i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
