we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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