Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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