Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
