now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
