Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
don't judge my taste in strippers
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
