...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
