I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
