dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
