You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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