sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
