So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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