Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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