just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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