My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
