I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
