Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
