dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Don't make out with my wife yet
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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