i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
