we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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