I think I won the penis lottery.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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