I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
