is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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