I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
