Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
