Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
