morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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