It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
