You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
