And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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