it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
