I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
