I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
