fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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