Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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