We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
