she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
