don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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