I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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