Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
