Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
