Cold hands, warm shart.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
