8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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