I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
