I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
