i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
