she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
