We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
