I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
