FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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