I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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