dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
