No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
