i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
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I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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