I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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