is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
