Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
