hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
