She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
