Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
