ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
