Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
