those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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