i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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