just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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