I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
