i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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