if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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