Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
