One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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