why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
